I know there must be a way outside, something must be there, I know that I think, I am here, existing consciousness, space and I try to go down below, search for the lowest low in this place, or am I searching a place in the highest heights? I fall on my knees, without having knees, feel with my hands, without having hands and I caress the ground, the warm stone, without being capable to caress. I am air, water, fire, earth, without having these properties. Inch by inch I crawl in a direction, but I do not know where this path will lead me, or a notion of where it will lead to, where the movement is, how I can find the way out of this darkness. Waiting for life to begin, to wake up in a body and to reach thus at the other side. A deep longing precedes the creation.

Without any notion of time and space, it can be a day, a week, a year, centuries, I hear a sound, the dripping of water on stone, on my head, without owning a head. The water drips for ages and with every drip I grow. I move further and I notice that the sound becomes clearer, without being able to hear. Suddenly the sound is louder, even ear deafening, a majestic sound of streaming water fills explosively my ears. Only I do not posses ears. I fall beneath, over the edge, deeper and deeper into the void. I fall deep because of the falling water and drink like a dog does. But a dog, I am not.

Still I cannot see anything. I am benumbed in my legs, my arms, weak in my heart and lungs. I move reluctantly through the water, till my knees, my testicles, belly, up to my skin, but I do not posses any of these external qualities, still I am only the thought of legs, arms, lungs, knees, testicles, belly and chin. A vision of light in the dark ocean.

The water is a secret, comfortable and warm. She streams so wild that I can hardly keep my balance.

I feel no more ground under my feet, so I let go of all will and let the stream carry me, in a direction that I do not know. I bump my head against a stone. I taste the sensation of my senses without knowing what senses are and I am panicking because I almost don’t have any air to breath. But gills I do not own, just as lungs are unexploited terrain for me.

Returning is impossible, the stream too strong, there’s nothing to do against it and I am carried by the floating water. I must let go, the will to become is bigger than I am, I dive deeper and deeper, no, do I rise up into the starry heavens? As hard as possible I swim to find my way out of this critical situation, I want to breath, but I cannot, loose every control, the being of conscious is stronger than the physical being. The water takes me away. I do not know how long it takes and my lungs break open, snapping at air, the water streams inside and I cough, sneeze out the water; I breathe oxygen. I breath. I live. My head hurts, my eyes open up to look at the environment.

I only see little parts, my fingertips, bit by bit I become a form, a glimpse of what surrounds me and I see a shadow from afar, a silhouette of a kneeling woman. She raises her hands in prayer. For the first time I am moved by something that is outside of me and such even when I do not know what and who I am myself.

An other.

The ceiling of the cave I am in is low and I crawl further on hands and knees. I follow the path in the direction of a less grey area, in the direction where I think to find an opening, to raise the veil of my confusion. Searching for the outside.

This space is big enough to stand and even with raised hands I cannot touch the roof of the cave. I see a little clearer, before me I see a stalagmite, light from afar opens up a woman’s shadow on the wall. Next to this shadow I see another shadow in the form of a silhouette of a man, only one meter from the shadow of the woman. I look around and try to find the direction of the light, because if there are shadows, there must be a source that brings on the light and I do see a small opening, a shrill light from a distance.

I turn around, in the direction of the two shadows. I wait some time and it seems as if they stand closer to each other, as if there is movement in the silhouettes. They touch each other, almost, the man and the woman. I am surprised, bewildered.

The woman is tall, has full lips, a high forehead and long, waiving hair. The man is a little longer and has a sharp profile, a nose in a straight line. His lips are thin and the cheeks are round like apples, just as those of the woman. In a short time the two silhouettes are coming closer and even more close. The lips of the woman and those of the man touch each other, they kiss each other, they mingle little by little.

I am surprised by these happenings, although it is what I want to, what the consciousness says to me, has instructed me, the jump, the cool water, the existence, through the intimacy of these stalagmites, that throw enlightened shadows on the wall, that express their love free and easy. I do not know what to do.

The shadows flow into each other and leave a vague imprint on the wall of the cave. They have become one.

I stand up and walk in the direction of the light that shines. With every step the light becomes more clear. I have free sight, the cave and the outside break open. Above at the left is a big hole, the edges are grown with big plants and trees. Above the hole the sky is clear and blue, little clouds float over slowly and further, right from me I recognize a second opening on the same level and I follow the path that shows.

Before I reach the exit of the cave, I see in the wall on the right the profile of a man that apparently is cut out. When I take a step upfront the profile is absent, when I take a step backwards, then the profile in the wall is not visible. Only on this little place, with the eyes directed up right, only here it shows that the wall reveals a sharp nose, deep eye sockets, a firm pronounced chin. His forehead is crowned with a high forelock.

The time is far before the beginning of history and I make my way outside of the cave.